NEW BOOK – Allies & Assholes: An Honest Guide to World Affairs

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Make sense of the world with humor.

Allies & Assholes is a free ebook that breaks down complicated world affairs into funny stories, enjoyable banter, and a little bit of sass. Download below the jump.

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The death of an isolationist

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Japan knew America was trouble when he walked (or floated) in.

Have you ever laid eyes on someone and just knew, in your heart of hearts, that one day that asshole was going to ruin your life?

Japan has.

For two-hundred years, Japan had her doors closed to the outside world. She’d grown comfortably accustomed to her reclusive life and saw no reason why her blissful introversion should end.

The United States thought otherwise.

July 8, 1853

Paint strokes glided along paper as a masterful hand swiped, dabbed, and pivoted. The masterpiece—a wall-sized mural drawn entirely of cats—was nearly complete.

Urgent banging on the door startled Japan so badly that she jumped. This caused her hand to jerk suddenly. The poor bobtail she was working on was left with a giant smudge across its fluffy white body.

She didn’t have long to gape before she was startled once again. This time, the door itself was violently pushed open and she heard a low, ominous voice.

Knock knock.”

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Everyone hates Britain

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Do you like my 5 minute Photoshop project?

Britain has a very valuable lesson to teach us: If you colonize someone, they will hate you. There’s another valuable lesson: if you’re an imperialist power, other imperialist powers will hate you. Because almost everyone between the years 1700 and 1900 was a colony or an imperialist, almost everyone hated Britain.

Maybe the best way to illustrate this is through a series of testimonies. Which is exactly why Switzerland decided to conduct interviews with countries whose lives Britain ruined.

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History Share: Everything can be easily explained in simple, silly terms.

Was there anything in history class that didn’t make sense to you? Have you ever wondered why India and China have problems with each other, why North Korea keeps trying to make nukes no matter how much it gets yelled at, or how and why the British were able to set the White House on fire in 1814? Well, we might be able to help.

Readers and non-readers, this is an invitation. Hit the comment section up and give me an event in history or a (political) relationship that you want to see explained through my characters. I’ll take some of your suggestions and use them in next week’s post. There’s two little rules.

  • Please try to keep it light. Due to the comical nature of this blog, I want to avoid grave subject matters as they deserve to be discussed in a more serious, respectful environment.
    • Bad suggestion: North Korean famine. This is not funny
    • Good suggestion: France’s joining the American Revolutionary War to piss off Britain. This is kind of funny.
  • Try also to keep it about international relations and foreign policy–something involving two or more countries.

And, hey, if you love writing and/or history, you should try it too.

If a suggestion catches your eye, make a post explaining it on your own blog. If nothing in the comments fits your fancy, be a rebel and write about some part of history that you personally love. And you don’t have to use my characters; explain it in your own unique, funny way.

When I publish my story next week, everyone participating can reply with a link to their own post. Tag your post as historyshare so others in the community can discover, compliment, and engage your work. And while you don’t have to include a link to my blog in your original post, I’d definitely appreciate it.

Now, let’s get ready to do what we love: talk about history ‘n stuff. Have fun, everyone!