Recently I stumbled upon a magic lamp. “What do you desire most?” the genie asked. “I want to go to the United Nations,” I told him. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” he replied. Angry, I asked, “What? You can’t grant my wish?” “No,” he said, “I’m just sorry to hear that the thing you want most is to go to the UN.”
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“The United States of America has just been destroyed by an all-out nuclear attack.”
“What?” America screeched. He paused before screeching louder. “What?”
“Wait, wait. I’m sorry, everyone…” Germany adjusted the podium mic with an apologetic smile. “That was, ah, that was the wrong one. My mistake.”
“Who the hell even submitted that one?” America gawked with the sudden urge to shoot an incriminate glance toward the Middle East.
“The appropriate follow-up scenario will now be read now.” Carefully, Germany flipped through a few pages in the little notebook he was holding. Upon finding the right page, he began. “An ICBM was detected heading for California, but failed to reach its intended target and instead landed off the coast in territorial waters. The source of the attack is presently unknown.”