Canada and Australia’s Day of Fun (and Suffering)

Australia hollered back at the birds. “Come and get it, ya brainless devils!” She turned to Canada. “Can’t even fly, the whackas!”

Canada clung to the Jeep for dear life as her stomach did flips and turns. Tires kicked up hot, orange dirt as they tore through the outback. A mob of emu chased behind them like wolves gunning for fresh meat. The driver gripped the wheel with one hand while the other waved wildly out the side of the car. Continue reading “Canada and Australia’s Day of Fun (and Suffering)”

North Korea the Red-Nosed Nation-State: Part II

“You know what these boots are made for? Stomping fascists.”

A continuation of this story.

Turns out, the Abominable American wasn’t that hard to outrun. He was pretty slow due to his size, and also kind of lazy. He gave up chase five minutes in, after which he retreated to his lair to partake in material sin and filthiness.

Continue reading “North Korea the Red-Nosed Nation-State: Part II”

North Korea the Red-Nosed Nation-State: Part I

It was a special day at the North Pole.

Russia was ecstatic when her new baby boy was born with a red nose, for she knew the vibrant color derived from the boy’s fiery communist resolve.

“Look at him,” Russia said as she cradled her baby and stared in awe at the boy’s glowing snout. “Isn’t he beautiful, China?”

China took a sip of bourbon and flipped through the newspaper in his lap.”Sure.”

The trembling young country looked at his mother and then to China, big black eyes shining with innocence. “D… D…”

Russia gasped. “Look at you! Are you going to say your first word?”

The baby’s face wrinkled into a nasty look. “D…D… Duh… Die, Western dogs!”

Russia cried out, throwing her arms around her son as tears of joy pooled in the corners of her eyes.

Continue reading “North Korea the Red-Nosed Nation-State: Part I”

Fire, Meet Gasoline: How Japan and America went from enemies to friends with benefits

“You broke me just so you could put me back together.”

“Do you really want to try putting yourself back together?”

Her fist tightened once again and she bit her tongue because she didn’t dare admit that she wasn’t sure.

Listen to this story’s companion playlist here.

Image header for Fire, Meet Gasoline story

In a coffee shop, they sat nearly shoulder to shoulder under warm orange lights as the chill of the night air watched them enviously from outside. The aroma of hot apple cider took their senses on a journey as Japan listened and America told stories.

“So, I’m standing in the doorway to his office.” Already Ameria was grinning. “Puttin’ the saucy on, you know, wiggling my ass, a little bit of eyebrow signaling–cause, you know, this war was huge for me. If I defeat the British Empire, I’ll look like such a badass.”

Continue reading “Fire, Meet Gasoline: How Japan and America went from enemies to friends with benefits”

Need an election detox?

Tuesday was pretty hard for a lot of people. After everything that’s happened, you might want to stop, step back from it all, and smile about something. Here are some lighthearted and fun stories that will hopefully give your mind a much-needed humor cleanse.

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This detox juice almost looks good

Tuesday was pretty hard for a lot of people. After everything that’s happened, you might want to stop, step back from it all, and smile about something. Here are some lighthearted and fun stories that will hopefully give your mind a much-needed humor cleanse.

From the P&P archives:

South Korea shouted above the pop and rushing breeze. “I know what I just did to my body made it careen closer and closer toward death, but I feel alive! Like, life is good and has a purpose and everything is okay even though it’s not!” (From “THROW DOWN”)

Don’t miss out on these great posts from other funny bloggers:

Take care, everyone.

Please vote in the US 2016 election.

“You’ve been screwing me big time in trade. Well guess what? I’m gonna screw you. I’m gonna screw you so hard–twice as hard as you’ve ever screwed me. You get that? I’m gonna be the best screwer you’ve seen. Believe me.”

VOTE IN THIS 2016 ELECTION
Photo by personalincome.org

A MESSAGE FROM THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Hillary Clinton. Donalds Trump. Election. Comey. Russia. ISIS. China. Emails.

Okay now that that SEO junk is outta the way, please hear me out.

You gotta vote. I know you’re thinking, “But they both suck” or “I’m a socialist so I hate both candidates and I want Bernie back” or even “F*** the system, I’m not gonna vote!”

Listen, if you don’t vote, the terrorists win.

Voting isn’t just a right, it’s your only shot at making sure that a raving asshat isn’t running your country.

I won’t tell you who to vote for. But to encourage you to actually carry yourself to the polls, you can read on for two WORST CASE SCENARIOS if either candidate gets elected. If it scares you, use your voting power to prevent a terrible future–just one of them, anyway.

Continue reading “Please vote in the US 2016 election.”

Ouija boards will kill you unless you are a country

Ouija board
Photo by ryan (Flickr)

In an aging, creaking house in the middle of somewhere spooky, like a cemetery or something, America and Canada sat together at a small table. The flame of a candle quivered in the dusty, musty air.

With their hands on the planchette, they circled the board twice and recited whatever it was you’re supposed to recite so the ghosts won’t kill you.

Sucking in a breath, Canada asked, “Sprits, are you here?” Seconds crept by. Then something jolted their hands.

Hello.

America’s face lit up. “Yoooo!”

“Stop. You’re breathing too close to the candle. Look, we’ve got spirits here. Is there anyone you’re looking for? Any dead countries you want to speak to?”

America hummed in thought. “Oh! Yeah. I got one. The Confederacy. Where he at? I have some words for him.” America leaned over the board. “Hahaha what’s good, bitch?”

“America, no.”

Continue reading “Ouija boards will kill you unless you are a country”