The Day Russia Saved the World

Russia throws a wrench in the American war machine.

Russia drank coffee in the garden, big, round sunglasses on and a cigarette hanging between her fingers.  After a while, she let out a long exhale of smoke.

“Prague, 2010. The world was on the cusp of the Arab Spring. There was an electricity in the air–you could feel it.”

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50 Shades of Authoritarianism: A New Era in Russia-US Relations

They sat close together on the couch and watched the crackling fire with half-lidded eyes. The wine in their glasses almost matched the color of her lips and America couldn’t quite figure out which of the two was more intoxicating.

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Top 10 craziest things that happened in 2016

Coming to a close soon, 2016 was a rough year for a lot of people. The world of politics and world affairs was rocked with unpredictable phenomena and big, often worrying, changes. This post highlights 10 of the most absurd events that occurred this past year, in no particular order.

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Blood red Commie water

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Photo by lumpi

Based on this article from September 8th. 

Belarus was relieved to hear that she could use Russia’s shower while hers was being repaired. That relief would soon turn into horror.

***

Russia stood in the bathroom doorway as Belarus examined the shower faucets with scrutiny. Every shower was a different mystifying puzzle that caused inner anguish; how do I turn it on, how do I work temperature, what do I do if it’s too hot or too cold and you’re downstairs and can’t hear my screams?

Russia said, “You know where everything is, don’t you? Let me know if you need anything.” She turned and left, but only got half-way down the hallway before she heard a shriek and went running back.

“What is this?” Belarus sounded like she’d just found a dead body. “Why is it red?”

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i. the first meeting

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1762

“There’s a woman you should be cautious of,” France told America. “Ice runs through her veins and death follows in her wake. She’s insatiable. A predator.”

“Aren’t you all?”

France smiled. “I suppose we are.”

1776

Russia was like nothing anyone had ever described. Grass did not rot beneath her boots as walked, nor did America feel his blood go cold when she entered the room.

She was tall—taller than he would have guessed—and she had a kind face. It drew him in and his eyes lingered on her charming features.

“You are really Russia, aren’t you?” He asked her over tea in the garden.

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Gambling

by maorix / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
Photo by maorix / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

There was a room in the back of a bar where three nearly intoxicated companions shared second-hand smoke and a mellow, effortless discussion. Russia drank the most, but she held it well. North Korea drank the second most, but he couldn’t really feel it. China drank the least, but the mess in the ashtray at the center of the table was mostly his doing.

“Why did we stop playing?” North Korea asked gently as he looked over the cards scattered on the table top.

They answered at the same time.

“Because Russia was cheating.”

“Because China hates losing.”

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