Where politics is cold, love is warm.
Can you guess who wrote which one?
(It’s painfully easy.)
Chill guy, super powerful, crazy rich, really hot, great sense of humor. Ordering pizza after sex is mandatory. Preference: anything that moves. If you curvy that’s all good; big is beautiful. I’ll be more attracted to you if you blindly agree with me and support everything I do even when I’m wrong.
You think you’re worthy to breathe the same air I breathe? You insignificant beast. Love me. Praise me. Don’t touch me. Don’t look at me. You’re less than dirt. Pathetic, pitiful, powerless. Tell me how much you want me, pig. You’re just the jackal howling at my door. My love is a gift you are not worthy to receive. I grant you mercy because I take pity on creatures of lesser intellect, beauty, and purity. Perish, worm.
Continue reading “Country Dating Profiles”
It ain’t right. It ain’t right when a man burns down his own ships. But who are we to judge? He was only going what he thought was best. Aren’t we all the same?
North Korea detests that name, both in fiction and reality. The country (and its people) will always use the official name, DPRK. You may also hear DPR Korea. Calling the country “North Korea” is disrespectful and imperialist. That’s why everyone calls him–to his face, at least–Korea. If you don’t, he will scream at you.
“Whoever drinks this elixir shall be granted the gift of sight–to see into a person’s heart and know their true character.”
In that particular wing of the United Nations, the air was thick with secrecy.
“Did you bring it?” whispered America.
“Yeah,” Japan whispered back. From her shirt, she pulled a small glass vial that stored a vibrant bluish liquid. America stared at it in awe while Japan reached into her pocket, procured a slip of paper, and read from it. “‘Whoever drinks this elixir shall be granted the gift of sight–to see into a person’s heart and know their true character.’ You try it first,” she suggested, holding it out to him. He shrugged his shoulders.
Continue reading “The Contents of One’s Heart”
I thought I made it clear to everyone that there only gets to be one superpower. I let you wear my crown and play pretend for a little bit–how’d the feel? You get it all out of your system? Good. That little taste is all you’ll ever get.
You have money, but then what? Nobody wants your culture, your way of life. Nobody’s wavin’ their flags at the gates to usher in internet censorship and government surveillance. I’m everything they want to be, you’re everything they want to leave behind.
I’m Land of the Free. I sell the goddamn American Dream.
That’s why I win.
A little bonus I drew for the latest MAGA installment. I’m pretty sure America’s monologue was inspired by something I heard on Deep State Radio, but I’m not sure.
In 2017 I made a set of political-themed Valentine’s Day cards. Rather than put effort into making a new set, I’m just adding two additions and re-upping last year’s post.
Of course, this post wouldn’t be complete without an anti-Valentine’s card: