50 Shades of Authoritarianism: 50 Shades Redder

A political pivot results in a steamy encounter.

Trump loves Russia, but did you know that he has deep, undeniable feelings for China too? This is the thrilling, unrelated sequel to 50 Shades of Authoritarianism.


The warm sensation taking over America’s body could have been caused by the wine, the lavender wafting through the air, or the fact that China had just stepped back into the living room wearing only a silk robe.

Continue reading “50 Shades of Authoritarianism: 50 Shades Redder”

Trump’s First 100 Days: An Endless Stream of Bullshit

Most simply, everything can be broken down into these three categories.

1. Pissed someone off
2. Ruined a friendship
3. Almost started a war

Recently, the 45th president celebrated his first 100 days in office, forcing Fox News to desperately grasp at straws as they try to find achievements for which he could take credit.

Thankfully, I am much smarter than Fox News and will give you my own special 100 days list specifically focusing on the realm of international relations.

Most simply, everything can be broken down into these three categories.

  1. Pissed someone off
  2. Ruined a friendship
  3. Almost started a war

Continue reading “Trump’s First 100 Days: An Endless Stream of Bullshit”

Canada and Australia’s Day of Fun (and Suffering)

Australia hollered back at the birds. “Come and get it, ya brainless devils!” She turned to Canada. “Can’t even fly, the whackas!”

Canada clung to the Jeep for dear life as her stomach did flips and turns. Tires kicked up hot, orange dirt as they tore through the outback. A mob of emu chased behind them like wolves gunning for fresh meat. The driver gripped the wheel with one hand while the other waved wildly out the side of the car. Continue reading “Canada and Australia’s Day of Fun (and Suffering)”

Things are heating up in East Asia!

Hi, friends.

Along with working on, and struggling with, an Australia- and Canada-centric story, I’m also working on something I’ll be submitting to the one and only Cracked.com. If they actually decide to publish my trash, ya’ll will be the first to know.

But I’m back here today, specifically, to throw a small heaping of international affairs f#%kery at you. Lately, North Korea has been incredibly naughty (read as: homicidal and destructive) and I’d be remiss if I didn’t write about it.

Continue reading “Things are heating up in East Asia!”

North Korea’s Valentine’s Day Message to You

Your worth is never determined by who loves you or who you have sex with.

Hello. I am the DPRK, known to you reactionaries as “north Korea.” Last year, I wrote a truly inspiring and profound article for this website. That very article received over 1 million likes within the first hour alone. However, only 15 likes are showing at the moment–a technical error on the fault of WordPress.com, a known bourgeoisie puppet.

Today, I am back on this evening of Western debauchery to deliver a very important message.

Continue reading “North Korea’s Valentine’s Day Message to You”

Valentine’s Day Cards for Politics Junkies

Have you ever sat there and wished you had some really bad international relations jokes to send to your sweetheart? If the answer is yes, you’re in luck. Sending your significant other these inappropriate Valentine’s Day cards are sure to let them know how much you love them and hate yourself.

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And more under the jump!

Continue reading “Valentine’s Day Cards for Politics Junkies”