50 Shades of Authoritarianism: 50 Shades Redder

A political pivot results in a steamy encounter.

Trump loves Russia, but did you know that he has deep, undeniable feelings for China too? This is the thrilling, unrelated sequel to 50 Shades of Authoritarianism.


The warm sensation taking over America’s body could have been caused by the wine, the lavender wafting through the air, or the fact that China had just stepped back into the living room wearing only a silk robe.

Continue reading “50 Shades of Authoritarianism: 50 Shades Redder”

A Rare Look Inside of North Korea

His head, anyway.

His head, anyway.


I mix vodka with orange juice and call it breakfast. The alcohol will help me forget that I didn’t sleep last night. Or the night before. Is it nighttime right now? I can’t tell because I never open the curtains because if I do they will watch me and I’m afraid.

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Canada and Australia’s Day of Fun (and Suffering)

Australia hollered back at the birds. “Come and get it, ya brainless devils!” She turned to Canada. “Can’t even fly, the whackas!”

Canada clung to the Jeep for dear life as her stomach did flips and turns. Tires kicked up hot, orange dirt as they tore through the outback. A mob of emu chased behind them like wolves gunning for fresh meat. The driver gripped the wheel with one hand while the other waved wildly out the side of the car. Continue reading “Canada and Australia’s Day of Fun (and Suffering)”

Vietnam and the American Devil

After the war, Vietnam struggled with America–and herself.

Soundtrack: Devil Devil by Milck

1975

Explosions shook the air. Vietnam heard the whirring of helicopter blades and feet pounding against asphalt as people scrambled for an escape–echoes from a distant reality. But what wasn’t muted, what was so real that it pumped fire through her veins, was the sight of her flag wavering in the dusty wind amidst the wreckage of Saigon.

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BLACK METAL SWANS OF CARNAGE

The Nordic countries had a band called Black Metal Swans of Carnage. The name was craftily engineered by Finland, who was the female vocalist. Sweden was on the drums because her big, strong arms were perfect for hammering away at things. Denmark took up the male vocals while rocking electric guitar #1. Norway was on the second guitar, but he was so talented that during some songs he would strum while tickling the electric ivories. Iceland was the bassist because he was brooding due to the seasonal depression.

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January: Break the Box Month

This year, I’m trying something a little different. Not only am I posting weekly and rolling out a fun, history-centric newsletter next month, I’m also going to try breaking out of my comfort zone. How?

Every now and then I’ll be designating certain months as “Break the Box” months where each week I’ll post a new story that features a country that is never/rarely seen on this blog. This is both a challenge (and an opportunity) for me, and for you, this is a way to make me write about countries you want to read about.

So, this month’s Break the Box characters are going to be:

  • Mexico
  • Finland, Sweden, Denmark, Norway, and Iceland in a story about their renown band
  • Australia
  • Vietnam

In the comments, let me know who you would like to see next time around (probably March or April) and I just might feature’ em.

North Korea the Red-Nosed Nation-State: Part II

“You know what these boots are made for? Stomping fascists.”

A continuation of this story.

Turns out, the Abominable American wasn’t that hard to outrun. He was pretty slow due to his size, and also kind of lazy. He gave up chase five minutes in, after which he retreated to his lair to partake in material sin and filthiness.

Continue reading “North Korea the Red-Nosed Nation-State: Part II”