Conscience

“This article says that one in every twenty-five Americans has no conscience and can do whatever they want without experiencing guilt.”

“Listen to this,” China said, tapping his tablet a few times. “This article says that one in every twenty-five Americans has no conscience and can do whatever they want without experiencing guilt.”

“The animals,” North Korea spat. “No wonder they run around the streets slaughtering each other like it’s a sport.”

“What do you think, Korea? Do you have a conscience?”

“Of course I do,” he growled. “I’ve just never had to make use of it. One doesn’t need to feel guilty if one never does anything wrong.”

“Right, of course.”

North Korea carried on, not quite finished yet. “But I am sympathetic, maybe too much for my own good. Even you must understand that there’s a difference between guilt and pity.” He paused. “Well, what about you? No, don’t answer. I already know that you don’t have one. A conscience requires many things you so evidently lack: heart, soul, kindness, empathy–do you want me to go on? I can and I will.”

“But I have all of those things,” China said with an even tone.

North Korea lifted his nose and narrowed his eyes. “I hope you realize how scientifically flawed it is to insist that something exists without being able to prove it.”

“Should I or should I not go to your party?” China ventured.

North Korea hissed. “Fine, ruin the mood!” He scurried to the door, then stopped and turned back. “Listen, I don’t care what you do, and you know that I don’t. But you should come.” Those dark, spiteful eyes narrowed again. “For your sake.”


Notes

Photo by Hans via Pixabay

I wrote this on a whim after glancing at a book in the bookstore and since I had no intention of writing this until that very moment I also lacked the mental energy to draw something. I typed “conscience” into Pixabay and that’s the first thing I go so I said okay I’ll take it. It’s off brand but I am a lazy person.

Trevor Noah and the Bullshit Concept of Offensive Comedy

The myth that comedy will inevitably be offensive.

I just recovered from a near-fatal bout of sickness brought on by what I believe to have been over-buttered mac n’ cheese and I’m writing this on a whim, so bear with me.

If you haven’t heard, it recently came to light that a prominent comedian made a joke at the expense of Aboriginal women and amidst the backlash defend it by saying that he never meant to cause offense. Oh, well that makes it better–because, after all, comedy will always be offensive to someone, right?

Wrong.

Continue reading “Trevor Noah and the Bullshit Concept of Offensive Comedy”

Trump-Kim Summit: The Aftermath

North Korea and China chat about the summit. Meanwhile, America celebrates a win.

North Korea and China chat about the summit. Meanwhile, America celebrates a win.


Opening the door to the office unleashed a herbaceous assault on North Korea’s senses.

“What’s that smell?” he said loudly as soon as he stepped in.

China was half asleep at his desk. He jerked awake, blinked a couple of times, then said, “My oils.”

“Your oils.”

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Current Events: Everyone Wants a Piece of North Korea

Ever since the winter Olympics when the two Koreas took flamethrowers to their chilled and strained relationship, a diplomatic firestorm has been raging in East Asia–and that is not necessarily a bad thing. With an inter-Korea summit and Trump-Kim summit on the rise, the region has been a flurry of wild political activity. But how did this all unfold and what does it mean to and for the countries involved? In this, I try to explain.

Continue reading “Current Events: Everyone Wants a Piece of North Korea”

Anakin You’re Breaking My Heart

“If you could say anything to America, openly and honestly, what would you say?”
“I would ask him to please stop being a dumb bitch.”

They sat tucked away in the corner of the cafe, as if this was supposed to be some secret.

Japan had one friend, and that was only inconvenient when she needed to complain about that friend. Germany was the only person she could talk to about this; South Korea wouldn’t care, China was too close to the issue and too cold anyway, Russia couldn’t talk about America objectively. Germany was honest, impassive, cool-headed. Germany would have to do.

Continue reading “Anakin You’re Breaking My Heart”

Recently at the United Nations…

Israel! Jerusalem! A vote to challenge America’s sovereignty, or something.

A vote was held within the security council that called for America to take back his recognition of Jerusalem as Israel’s capital.

UK: America, what you’ve done also recognizes–and furthermore, legitimizes–Israel’s annexation of East Jerusalem and its settlement-building. Don’t you see how this might create problems?

France: Such a harsh departure from international norms puts you at odds with the rest of the community, yet your cooperation is imperative to peace efforts.

America: [He looks down, brow burrowing in what appears to be self-reflection]

Okay, okay, I hear you. Maybe I was being careless. Maybe I did threaten regional stability. Maybe this would be a roadblock to peacefully resolving the Israel-Palestine conflict. Clearly, this issue is something all of you feel strongly about, and your adamant consensus is persuasive. So, you know what I’ll do?

I’ll use my . . . VETOOOO. That’s right, I win. Oh, I got outnumbered 14 to 1? Doesn’t. Even. Matter. With one word, I destroyed your votes. Absolutely annihilated. Who do you think you are? Y’all straight up EMBARRASSING yourselves right now. You don’t tell ME what to do, I tell YOU what to do. You’re welcome. You’re welcome. Happy Hanukkah. MERRY CHRISTMAS. I’m OUT. Goodbye. Fuck you.

And so it went.