North Korea didn’t usually send poignant emails to other people, but it seemed appropriate when that other person just signed a nuclear arms deal with the United States of America.
Congratulations on your deal with the devil. Or, Great Satan, to use your preferred insult.
Even though you are a dirty, imperialist puppet state (don’t take it personally, I call everyone that), I respect you. That is why I’m not actually writing this to congratulate you, but to warn you. Sorry, that sounds more threatening than intended. Consider this message friendly advice, from one despotic rogue state to another.
This deal does not give the United States more reasons to trust you, it gives him more reasons to not trust you. Opponents of the deal will trust you even less. I did not cheat the Agreed Framework as much as America wants to believe that I did, I just found another route to nuclear weapons because I am smarter than he wants to believe I am. You’re smart too, aren’t you?
I wish I could sit here and tell you that I’m okay with all of this. I can, however, sit here and tell you that hearing the news pissed me off a little bit. But then I remembered who you are and what you are and I had to ask myself: did they play you, or did you play them? Then I laughed.
You accomplished something quite remarkable, but I don’t t know if remarkable here is a good thing or a terrible thing. I haven’t felt isolation unwillingly in a long time. I guess the real congratulation lies in that you were able to make me feel a little more lonely. I think I even shed a tear. Haha, jokes.
For the record, I’m not angry, I’m just unsure. But ultimately, I will be fine as long as you continue to buy missiles from me. Seriously, I need the money.
Let me leave you with this thought: Nuclear weapons are power, but only because not everybody has them. How do you think countries like us will fare when the world is nuclear?
From one friend to another, I want to be able deal with my problems before it comes to that.
The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea