With nothing to hide, France and the UK were the first to stand. India and Pakistan followed without a problem. Then there was a lull of silence and everyone held their breath expectantly. Eyes glanced around the silent room nervously. After a long enough pause, Switzerland was about to open his mouth, when suddenly there was movement in Asia. Cautiously, South Korea stood up. Japan, tight-lipped and even more hesitant than her neighbor, followed.
As more and more reluctant countries stood, it was abundantly clear that the world had just become a very dangerous place.
After seeing that both his sister and Japan were dangerously armed, North Korea whipped his head in America’s direction. “You bastard!”
“I’m the bastard? You’re doing the same thing! How else did Iran and Syria get them?”
Welcome to Political Debrief, where the news isn’t really news. But sometimes it has news in it.
This month around the world:
– Germany cried while re-watching Planet Earth.
– America started a kitchen fire at the UN Headquarters while allegedly trying to make a pork chop sandwich. He made an emergency 911 call during the incident. The call was recorded and transcribed (see below):
Dispatcher: 911, what is your emergency?
US: Shit, dude, I–okay, uhhh, okay, th-there’s a fire. The United Nations is on fire.
Dispatcher: Has the building been evacuated?
US: I dunno! I–the freakin’ fire alarm is goin’ off, and, and, I stayed back to try and salvage my sandwich, but, like, it’s all black ‘n shit. I can’t eat this!
Dispatcher: Sir, please exit the building.
US: I’m trying but–oh, god, is that…? Is someone else in here? Latvia? Oh, shhhhhhhiiii–I think it’s Latvia. Hey!
US: [muffled, frantic yelling] Latvia! Get the f**k out of here! D’what are you doing?! Go! Get the f**k out of here, you stupid idiot! F**k, we’re all DEAD!
Everything ended up being okay, except the sandwich and America’s sanity.
They’d only been trapped in the elevator for two minutes before America started freaking out. The moment Mexico looked over, he saw his neighbor pressed into the corner, eyes wide and a light coat of perspiration on his face.
“It gets harder,” she told him, and he believed her. But he didn’t understand. You can’t really grasp the depth of pain until you’ve actually felt it. North Korea felt it in 1951, and only again in 1991.
Sitting together on a veranda overlooking Moscow, they had few words to exchange.
She told him, “Things are changing. I can’t help you anymore.”
If there was one convenient thing about waiting outside of North Korea’s office, it was that there were a lot of paintings to stare at to pass the time. Sitting in a long corridor, its walls lined with grand, gold-framed portraits, Taiwan was learning more about Kim Il-sung’s facial structure than she ever wanted to.
She turned when she heard a door open and nice shoes click against the smooth tile. With a phone in his hand and something like distraught on his face, North Korea assured her he’d be with her in no more than five minutes.
By the second minute, she felt incredibly tired out of absolutely nowhere. By the third, she took out her phone and tried to fight it off. By the fourth, the world went black.