BRICS at the Beach

Russia, India, Brazil, South Africa, and China have a weekend getaway.

It’s summer! And what better way to celebrate friendship and financial anxiety than a trip to the beach?


Clad in their finest swimwear, India, Brazil, and South Africa stood firmly in a line on the deck and waited for Russia to speak, like they were soldiers awaiting orders.

“On this trip, everyone will be wearing protection at all times.” Russia’s voice was commanding as she wielded a bottle of sunscreen in her hand like it was a sword. “I don’t care if you ‘don’t burn.’ The sun is evil and it will kill you.” The other women jumped at the force behind Russia’s accusation. “Now, who wants to rub lotion all over my back?” India threw up her hand.

Continue reading “BRICS at the Beach”

50 Shades of Authoritarianism: 50 Shades Redder

A political pivot results in a steamy encounter.

Trump loves Russia, but did you know that he has deep, undeniable feelings for China too? This is the thrilling, unrelated sequel to 50 Shades of Authoritarianism.


The warm sensation taking over America’s body could have been caused by the wine, the lavender wafting through the air, or the fact that China had just stepped back into the living room wearing only a silk robe.

Continue reading “50 Shades of Authoritarianism: 50 Shades Redder”

A Rare Look Inside of North Korea

His head, anyway.

His head, anyway.


I mix vodka with orange juice and call it breakfast. The alcohol will help me forget that I didn’t sleep last night. Or the night before. Is it nighttime right now? I can’t tell because I never open the curtains because if I do they will watch me and I’m afraid.

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Trump’s First 100 Days: An Endless Stream of Bullshit

Most simply, everything can be broken down into these three categories.

1. Pissed someone off
2. Ruined a friendship
3. Almost started a war

Recently, the 45th president celebrated his first 100 days in office, forcing Fox News to desperately grasp at straws as they try to find achievements for which he could take credit.

Thankfully, I am much smarter than Fox News and will give you my own special 100 days list specifically focusing on the realm of international relations.

Most simply, everything can be broken down into these three categories.

  1. Pissed someone off
  2. Ruined a friendship
  3. Almost started a war

Continue reading “Trump’s First 100 Days: An Endless Stream of Bullshit”

Canada and Australia’s Day of Fun (and Suffering)

Australia hollered back at the birds. “Come and get it, ya brainless devils!” She turned to Canada. “Can’t even fly, the whackas!”

Canada clung to the Jeep for dear life as her stomach did flips and turns. Tires kicked up hot, orange dirt as they tore through the outback. A mob of emu chased behind them like wolves gunning for fresh meat. The driver gripped the wheel with one hand while the other waved wildly out the side of the car. Continue reading “Canada and Australia’s Day of Fun (and Suffering)”