Remember to show your mom some love and appreciation today, okay? And if you maybe aren’t on good terms your real mom, just remember that you can always find love in the warm embrace of (Mother) Russia.
Job searching has been miserable, but I figure that if I keep throwing darts at the board, one’s gonna hit eventually.
I’m thinking of rewriting Mutually Assured Delusion and turning it into a real novel… but if in the near future the US does go to war with North Korea, thus resulting in widespread death and destruction, wouldn’t I look like an ass, having written about it hypothetically in an overexaggerated comedy? Could I even live with myself?
They sat close together on the couch and watched the crackling fire with half-lidded eyes. The wine in their glasses almost matched the color of her lips and America couldn’t quite figure out which of the two was more intoxicating.
“You know what these boots are made for? Stomping fascists.”
A continuation of this story.
Turns out, the Abominable American wasn’t that hard to outrun. He was pretty slow due to his size, and also kind of lazy. He gave up chase five minutes in, after which he retreated to his lair to partake in material sin and filthiness.
It was a special day at the North Pole.
Russia was ecstatic when her new baby boy was born with a red nose, for she knew the vibrant color derived from the boy’s fiery communist resolve.
“Look at him,” Russia said as she cradled her baby and stared in awe at the boy’s glowing snout. “Isn’t he beautiful, China?”
China took a sip of bourbon and flipped through the newspaper in his lap.”Sure.”
The trembling young country looked at his mother and then to China, big black eyes shining with innocence. “D… D…”
Russia gasped. “Look at you! Are you going to say your first word?”
The baby’s face wrinkled into a nasty look. “D…D… Duh… Die, Western dogs!”
Russia cried out, throwing her arms around her son as tears of joy pooled in the corners of her eyes.
Surprise, surprise, I’m writing a book.
But not just any book. It’s a free, political e-guidebook of sorts that not only provides fun and entertaining little excerpts of stories from this blog (along with brand new original content, whoa), but also a quick and easy breakdown of who hates whom and why.
Diving into the foreign relations of the US, Russia, China, Japan, South Korea, and North Korea, Allies & A-Holes tries to make sense of some of the complicated affairs of East Asia and how everyone feels about one another.
International relations made easy. And fun.
Each chapter focuses on one of the six countries and includes a: autobiography, relationship cheat sheet, detailed look at how X feels about Y written from that country’s POV, excerpts from and links to relevant P&P stories, and a Further Reading section for quenching your thirst for knowledge.
To get you excited, I’ve got a free teaser (see above) that you can download and enjoy. It shows you about half of America’s chapter so you can get a feel for how the finished book will look.
And finally, you should absolutely share the news and spread the word. Positive responses and reader engagement would totally encourage me to do a part two with all new countries.
Look forward to the official release this holiday season.
In an aging, creaking house in the middle of somewhere spooky, like a cemetery or something, America and Canada sat together at a small table. The flame of a candle quivered in the dusty, musty air.
With their hands on the planchette, they circled the board twice and recited whatever it was you’re supposed to recite so the ghosts won’t kill you.
Sucking in a breath, Canada asked, “Sprits, are you here?” Seconds crept by. Then something jolted their hands.
America’s face lit up. “Yoooo!”
“Stop. You’re breathing too close to the candle. Look, we’ve got spirits here. Is there anyone you’re looking for? Any dead countries you want to speak to?”
America hummed in thought. “Oh! Yeah. I got one. The Confederacy. Where he at? I have some words for him.” America leaned over the board. “Hahaha what’s good, bitch?”