BRICS at the Beach

Russia, India, Brazil, South Africa, and China have a weekend getaway.

It’s summer! And what better way to celebrate friendship and financial anxiety than a trip to the beach?


Clad in their finest swimwear, India, Brazil, and South Africa stood firmly in a line on the deck and waited for Russia to speak, like they were soldiers awaiting orders.

“On this trip, everyone will be wearing protection at all times.” Russia’s voice was commanding as she wielded a bottle of sunscreen in her hand like it was a sword. “I don’t care if you ‘don’t burn.’ The sun is evil and it will kill you.” The other women jumped at the force behind Russia’s accusation. “Now, who wants to rub lotion all over my back?” India threw up her hand.

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It’s Complicated! – A guest post by Kosh on Sri Lanka-India relations

Sri Lanka picked several more white jasmine flowers and filled her basket. The sun was getting ready to shine. Just when she was about to go into the house to worship Lord Buddha before starting her day, she heard someone saying, “Good morning!” She knew that voice very well. By the time she turned towards the low wall separating their properties, India was already craning her neck. She had a basket of flowers in her hands as well.

It’s been a while since the last guest post and I’m very excited to publish this one. Kosh, a fellow blogger here on WordPress, is gonna give you guys a little look at the complicated matter of her country’s relationship with India. If you like this story, you can check out more of Kosh’s writing over at her blog World Through My Eyes.

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Photo by Spiker (Pixabay)

Sri Lanka picked several more white jasmine flowers and filled her basket. The sun was getting ready to shine. Just when she was about to go into the house to worship Lord Buddha before starting her day, she heard someone saying, “Good morning!” She knew that voice very well. By the time she turned towards the low wall separating their properties, India was already craning her neck. She had a basket of flowers in her hands as well.

“Good morning!” Sri Lanka replied.

“What a lovely day!” India said. Her eyes had that look she gets when she wants to say something, but could not just blurt it out.

“What is it, India?” Sri Lanka asked. She had a good idea what India had in her mind.

“You are doing good, Sri Lanka. Keep your head down and listen to our advice and you will be in a better place in no time.”

Sri Lanka did not reply. There was so much she wanted to say. However, she knew India did not want to hear some of those things.

Continue reading “It’s Complicated! – A guest post by Kosh on Sri Lanka-India relations”

Everyone hates Britain

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Britain has a very valuable lesson to teach us: If you colonize someone, they will hate you. There’s another valuable lesson: if you’re an imperialist power, other imperialist powers will hate you. Because almost everyone between the years 1700 and 1900 was a colony or an imperialist, almost everyone hated Britain.

Maybe the best way to illustrate this is through a series of testimonies. Which is exactly why Switzerland decided to conduct interviews with countries whose lives Britain ruined.

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Bilateral: Respect

North Korea didn’t hate India and India liked that because it was really easy to get on the North’s bad side and less easy to get on his good side. North Korea had always applauded India’s nuclear ambitions, and, according to the Korean, he needed a nuke buddy to replace “poor, foolish Iran.” That’s why they were having drinks in New Delhi.

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Happy holidays! Have some cookies

 

In the spirit of the holiday, I’ve turned the countries into cookies and let them loose upon each other. They mostly just bugged each other. So, the usual.

Disclaimer: I’m really bad at decorating cookies.

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Bilateral: Power

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India and Brazil sat together and stared at a dragon struggling to pull a sword from its stomach. Above it was an elegant white bird perched atop the shell of its former life.

Brazil’s eyes were drawn away from the mural and to the name plates that lined the conference table. United States, Russian Federation, China…

“We could be there,” she told India, eyes still ahead. “Before, it used to seem like a far-off dream. Maybe it still is. But, it feels closer now than it ever has. Is that a crazy thought?”

“No, it isn’t. I’ve thought it as well.” India paused a moment. “But, I have a fear.”

“What is it?”

“I remember what these people had to do to get where they are. I ask myself if I’m willing to do the same things. Often times the answer is yes, but other times I’m not as sure.” He turned to her and she met his earnest look.  “We could be up there,” he said. “But do we really want to be?”

Political Debrief No. 5

Welcome to Political Debrief, where the news isn’t really news. But sometimes it has news in it.

This month around the world:

– Germany cried while re-watching Planet Earth.

– America started a kitchen fire at the UN Headquarters while allegedly trying to make a pork chop sandwich. He made an emergency 911 call during the incident. The call was recorded and transcribed (see below):

Dispatcher: 911, what is your emergency?

US: Shit, dude, I–okay, uhhh, okay, th-there’s a fire. The United Nations is on fire.

Dispatcher: Has the building been evacuated?

US: I dunno! I–the freakin’ fire alarm is goin’ off, and, and, I stayed back to try and salvage my sandwich, but, like, it’s all black ‘n shit. I can’t eat this!

Dispatcher: Sir, please exit the building.

US: I’m trying but–oh, god, is that…? Is someone else in here? Latvia? Oh, shhhhhhhiiii–I think it’s Latvia. Hey!

Dispatcher: Sir–

US: [muffled, frantic yelling] Latvia! Get the f**k out of here! D’what are you doing?! Go! Get the f**k out of here, you stupid idiot! F**k, we’re all DEAD!

Everything ended up being okay, except the sandwich and America’s sanity.

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