On America’s birthday, England “fondly” remembers the “best” memories of his “son.”
Did we want him back?
That was the question everyone wanted to know in the aftermath of the war. Over time I started to understand that people weren’t asking if we wanted to reclaim a rebellious colony. What people wanted to know was… if we missed him.
To decide whether one misses someone, one has to determine whether there was anything to miss. But, you see, never in his centuries of existence has America ever done anything to make him worth missing. In fact, he’s often made me want to disown him.
I could easily think of five hundred abhorrent things America has done (and then there would be five hundred more repressed memories lying in wait to be unearthed through the therapy I will soon surely need). But to spare us both, I will talk about only five.
Continue reading “The Problem Child”
And the eagle will fly, man, it’s gonna be hell.
“Form a line, ladies.”
Happy Independence Day from America and me!
Later this week I’m posting a story in which July 4th celebrations spur England to remember his “fondest” memories of America.
In 2017 I made a set of political-themed Valentine’s Day cards. Rather than put effort into making a new set, I’m just adding two additions and re-upping last year’s post.
Of course, this post wouldn’t be complete without an anti-Valentine’s card:
A gift and a New Year’s message
You ever think about the passage of time and fall into a pit of despair because you fear you’ve wasted your life and will never amount to anything? Anyway, happy New Year!
I put together a gift for you guys.
Continue reading “2018 New Year Gift Pack”
Fun stories, great blogs, and a special thank you.
What a year. For the world in general, 2017 has been a long and shitty rollercoaster ride. But rather than remind you of the rise of populism, the crushing of civil liberties, and the threat of nuclear war, I want to end 2017 on a good note. That’s why I’m looking back at my favorites stories I wrote this year. They may or may not have been popular, but I had a blast writing them and learning about the topics. So, here’s to celebrating your work, here’s to becoming a better writer, here’s to researching (which can be fun), and here’s to top 10 lists.
Continue reading “P&P 2017 Top 10”
(Also included: man boobs.)
And while you’re waiting for the festivities to start, why don’t you go ahead and check out some of my July 4th stories? 😉
Have fun and party responsibly.
Remember to show your mom some love and appreciation today, okay? And if you maybe aren’t on good terms your real mom, just remember that you can always find love in the warm embrace of (Mother) Russia.