Anakin You’re Breaking My Heart

“If you could say anything to America, openly and honestly, what would you say?”
“I would ask him to please stop being a dumb bitch.”

They sat tucked away in the corner of the cafe, as if this was supposed to be some secret.

Japan had one friend, and that was only inconvenient when she needed to complain about that friend. Germany was the only person she could talk to about this; South Korea wouldn’t care, China was too close to the issue and too cold anyway, Russia couldn’t talk about America objectively. Germany was honest, impassive, cool-headed. Germany would have to do.

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Internationalism is the root of all discord

“I don’t feel anymore. Ever since… you know. No sadness, no happiness. Nothing. I’m empty. I wake up and when I look into the mirror I don’t see me. I see… I see regret.”

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Photo by PeterBe

“I don’t feel anymore. Ever since… you know. No sadness, no happiness. Nothing.  I’m empty. I wake up and when I look into the mirror I don’t see me. I see… I see regret.”

“Germany,” Switzerland said, “you need to get your shit together.”

Germany sat up and ran a hand through his hair. “I know.”

It wasn’t always that the two of them sat like that, Switzerland in the chair and Germany on the couch in some mock therapy session. But other times, like the times when the EU was about to implode, it was necessary.

The doorbell rang and low, powerful barking followed. Germany shouted a quick command and his Schäferhunds retreated from the foyer.

“She’s here,” Switzerland said, low and ominous.

Right on cue, Belgium threw open the door and the first words to leave her mouth were, “Boys, we are fucked!”

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“F#@% the European Union”

England’s Skype call was cut short when the “connection errors” began cropping up. First, Sweden was dropped. Denmark shortly followed. France was suffering an issue where he could hear everyone but nobody could hear him. Netherlands kept trying to connect to the call but failed every miserable time.

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Photo by jeffdjevdet

The following contains excessive f-bombs and other profanities. Read at your own risk.

England’s Skype call was cut short when the “connection errors” began cropping up. First, Sweden was dropped. Denmark shortly followed. France was suffering an issue where he could hear everyone but nobody could hear him. Netherlands kept trying to connect to the call but failed every miserable time. Germany’s microphone made it sound like he was trapped in a wind tunnel. When adding Scotland, the computer insisted that “The person whom you’re trying to reach is not available” even though he was available (gosh dammit).

Eventually the entire call was dropped, repeatedly. After many fruitless efforts and irritating loops of “bloop blop” sounds as Skype struggled to get the call through, everyone decided to stick with typing.

England: Suppose the UK does leave the European Union. Suppose we get our “Brexit.” What then?

Greece: yaaahhh you do it England you guys go and chase your dreams

France: Leave if you so want to 🙂 More room for me~

England: Is that a passive-aggression smiley? Try sounding a little less bitter or far-right, France.

France: 🙂 🙂 🙂

Netherlands: LEAVE
GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN
IT’S A TOTALITARIAN MONSTER

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Bilateral: Chaos

 

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By SSgt. F. Lee Corkran via Wikimedia Commons

The Berlin Wall was crumbling. 27 years of strife brought on by two superpowers who would stop at nothing to dominate the world—even if that meant tearing another country apart. It was dissolving now.

No, recovery wouldn’t be easy. No, things weren’t suddenly okay. No, the war wasn’t over.

But this was a start.

America turned, absolutely beaming, to Germany.

“We did it!” he said breathlessly as they watched hammers and chisels chip away at the Iron Curtain. “We did it.”

Germany may not have spoken, but his pure smile and misty eyes said enough.

***

Far away, Russia sat in her office and stared into the small pool of red at the bottom of her glass. She twirled it around in her hand, over and over. With each turn, her lips twisted further into a grimace.

A shatter pierced the air as glass shards fell to the ground and wine trickled down the wall.


You know what they say? One country’s liberation is another country’s chaos.

Inspiration from The Daily Prompt. Today’s theme was, obviously, “chaos.”

 

Happy holidays! Have some cookies

 

In the spirit of the holiday, I’ve turned the countries into cookies and let them loose upon each other. They mostly just bugged each other. So, the usual.

Disclaimer: I’m really bad at decorating cookies.

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Hot chocolate with closers

Heiße_Schokolade

Four Europeans sat together at a small, oval dining table with a plate of brownie alpine biscotti as the centerpiece. Four cups of seasonal happiness–technically, three mugs and one cup and saucer– circled the treats.

Theirs was a quiet meeting, except for Austria’s occasional laughing. No one knew what she found so funny (mostly because no one was even talking), but at the same time they didn’t care enough to ask.

“Does anyone have any holiday plans?” Liechtenstein asked carefully after taking a sip of hot chocolate.

“Your face,” Austria said suddenly.

Liechtenstein’s head bobbed forward. “My face?”

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Political Debrief No. 5

Welcome to Political Debrief, where the news isn’t really news. But sometimes it has news in it.

This month around the world:

– Germany cried while re-watching Planet Earth.

– America started a kitchen fire at the UN Headquarters while allegedly trying to make a pork chop sandwich. He made an emergency 911 call during the incident. The call was recorded and transcribed (see below):

Dispatcher: 911, what is your emergency?

US: Shit, dude, I–okay, uhhh, okay, th-there’s a fire. The United Nations is on fire.

Dispatcher: Has the building been evacuated?

US: I dunno! I–the freakin’ fire alarm is goin’ off, and, and, I stayed back to try and salvage my sandwich, but, like, it’s all black ‘n shit. I can’t eat this!

Dispatcher: Sir, please exit the building.

US: I’m trying but–oh, god, is that…? Is someone else in here? Latvia? Oh, shhhhhhhiiii–I think it’s Latvia. Hey!

Dispatcher: Sir–

US: [muffled, frantic yelling] Latvia! Get the f**k out of here! D’what are you doing?! Go! Get the f**k out of here, you stupid idiot! F**k, we’re all DEAD!

Everything ended up being okay, except the sandwich and America’s sanity.

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