Trump loves Russia, but did you know that he has deep, undeniable feelings for China too? This is the thrilling, unrelated sequel to 50 Shades of Authoritarianism.
The warm sensation taking over America’s body could have been caused by the wine, the lavender wafting through the air, or the fact that China had just stepped back into the living room wearing only a silk robe.
I mix vodka with orange juice and call it breakfast. The alcohol will help me forget that I didn’t sleep last night. Or the night before. Is it nighttime right now? I can’t tell because I never open the curtains because if I do they will watch me and I’m afraid.
Remember to show your mom some love and appreciation today, okay? And if you maybe aren’t on good terms your real mom, just remember that you can always find love in the warm embrace of (Mother) Russia.
Australia hollered back at the birds. “Come and get it, ya brainless devils!” She turned to Canada. “Can’t even fly, the whackas!”
Canada clung to the Jeep for dear life as her stomach did flips and turns. Tires kicked up hot, orange dirt as they tore through the outback. A mob of emu chased behind them like wolves gunning for fresh meat. The driver gripped the wheel with one hand while the other waved wildly out the side of the car. Continue reading “Canada and Australia’s Day of Fun (and Suffering)”
Job searching has been miserable, but I figure that if I keep throwing darts at the board, one’s gonna hit eventually.
I’m thinking of rewriting Mutually Assured Delusion and turning it into a real novel… but if in the near future the US does go to war with North Korea, thus resulting in widespread death and destruction, wouldn’t I look like an ass, having written about it hypothetically in an overexaggerated comedy? Could I even live with myself?