She

I feel her everywhere.

She is the shadow at the end of every hallway. The eyes staring at me from the darkness. The black figure I catch in corner of my vision. The chill that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand. She is never in front of me, always behind. Always watching.

She came like death–suddenly and absolutely. I will always remember that day.

Continue reading “She”

The Problem Child

On America’s birthday, England “fondly” remembers the “best” memories of his “son.”

 

Did we want him back?

That was the question everyone wanted to know in the aftermath of the war. Over time I started to understand that people weren’t asking if we wanted to reclaim a rebellious colony. What people wanted to know was… if we missed him.

To decide whether one misses someone, one has to determine whether there was anything to miss. But, you see, never in his centuries of existence has America ever done anything to make him worth missing. In fact, he’s often made me want to disown him.

I could easily think of five hundred abhorrent things America has done (and then there would be five hundred more repressed memories lying in wait to be unearthed through the therapy I will soon surely need). But to spare us both, I will talk about only five.

Continue reading “The Problem Child”

We Need to Talk: North Korea, Immigration, and Civility

New series where I give political commentary. This one is largely about immigration, racism, and civility.

Hi, guys.

On P&P I’m always talking about politics and history through fictional characters, but rarely do I ever get to talk about politics as myself. That’s why I’m starting a new series called We Need to Talk, where I candidly share my views about the madness that is US politics and foreign relations.

To kick off the first post of the series, I want to talk about how Trump creates and abuses crisises so that he can play the hero.


One fleeting story idea I had starts with Germany and America talking together during the Cold War. The situation–as far as I can remember–between East Berlin and West Berlin was getting dire and America presses upon Germany that this isn’t something he can handle alone, that he needs America’s help. Germany knows this, but is begrudging; he accuses America of creating problems just so he can go in, fix them, and walk away a hero. That criticism still holds up today.

Continue reading “We Need to Talk: North Korea, Immigration, and Civility”

Trump-Kim Summit: The Aftermath

North Korea and China chat about the summit. Meanwhile, America celebrates a win.

North Korea and China chat about the summit. Meanwhile, America celebrates a win.


Opening the door to the office unleashed a herbaceous assault on North Korea’s senses.

“What’s that smell?” he said loudly as soon as he stepped in.

China was half asleep at his desk. He jerked awake, blinked a couple of times, then said, “My oils.”

“Your oils.”

Continue reading “Trump-Kim Summit: The Aftermath”

5 Times America Was in Love

America remembers five of his past romantic relationships and how he completely ruined them.

Being stuck in bed with a dangerously high fever and no strength to do anything but stare at the TV had repercussions, particularly when you end up watching Hallmark and prime time television for three days straight.

That night, the mix of delirium from the sickness combined with 72 hours worth of romcom reruns and soap operas had America in a very particular mood: reminiscing about past relationships.

You should be warned:

The sick mind likes to embellish.

Continue reading “5 Times America Was in Love”