Recently at the United Nations…

Israel! Jerusalem! A vote to challenge America’s sovereignty, or something.

A vote was held within the security council that called for America to take back his recognition of Jerusalem as Israel’s capital.

UK: America, what you’ve done also recognizes–and furthernore, legitimizes–Israel’s annexation of East Jerusalem and its settlement-building. Don’t you see how this might create problems?

France: Such a harsh departure from international norms puts you at odds with the rest of the community, yet your cooperation is imperative to peace efforts.

America: [He looks down, brow burrowing in what appears to be self-reflection]

Okay, okay, I hear you. Maybe I was being careless. Maybe I did threaten regional stability. Maybe this would be a roadblock to peacefully resolving the Israel-Palestine conflict. Clearly, this issue is something all of you feel strongly about, and your adamant consensus is persuasive. So, you know what I’ll do?

I’ll use my . . . VETOOOO. That’s right, I win. Oh, I got out-numbered 14 to 1? Doesn’t. Even. Matter. With one word, I destoryed your votes. Absolutely annihilated. Who do you think you are? Y’all straight up EMBARASSING yourselves right now. You don’t tell ME what to do, I tell YOU what to do. You’re welcome. You’re welcome. Happy Hanukkah. MERRY CHRISTMAS. I’m OUT. Goodbye. Fuck you.

And so it went.

Author: Allison Black

Allison is an author, nerd, and international relations major who loves bad political jokes. When she's not writing or gushing about global affairs, she's playing video games. One day she will have a Ph.D., speak Korean fluently, and command an army of chihuahuas.

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