Blood red Commie water

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Photo by lumpi

Based on this article from September 8th. 

Belarus was relieved to hear that she could use Russia’s shower while hers was being repaired. That relief would soon turn into horror.

***

Russia stood in the bathroom doorway as Belarus examined the shower faucets with scrutiny. Every shower was a different mystifying puzzle that caused inner anguish; how do I turn it on, how do I work temperature, what do I do if it’s too hot or too cold and you’re downstairs and can’t hear my screams?

Russia said, “You know where everything is, don’t you? Let me know if you need anything.” She turned and left, but only got half-way down the hallway before she heard a shriek and went running back.

“What is this?” Belarus sounded like she’d just found a dead body. “Why is it red?”

Russia stared at the stream of crimson pouring from the faucet. It was thick, like tomato soup. “Oh, that’s… Normal.”

What?”

“It’s always been like that. It’s fine.” Meanwhile, the water was forming a soupy mess at the bottom of the tub.

“The water hasn’t always been red.”

“It’s the same today as it was yesterday.”

Belarus whipped out her cell phone. “I’m putting this on Instagram.”

“No!” Russia slapped the phone out of Belarus’s hand. It went flying–the phone, not Belarus’s hand–and landed right into the gushing red water. With a sizzle, the phone started melting into the pool.

Belarus gaped at the tragedy with wide eyes. Russia pursed her lips. “Maybe it’s not so fine.”

***

Later that night America struggled with disillusionment after his steller tweet (“Russia is so communist even the water is red”) received only 5 likes. It seems everyone else realizes it’s not the 80s anymore.


Notes

This was a request from my best friend.

They’re saying the cause of the redness is pollution. I don’t actually think the water could melt a phone but I’m no scientist.

Author: Allison Black

Allison is an author, nerd, and international relations major who loves bad political jokes. When she's not writing or gushing about global affairs, she's playing video games. One day she will have a Ph.D., speak Korean fluently, and command an army of chihuahuas.

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