America firmly believed in the prolific words of the great Kanye West: “My presence is a present, kiss my ass.” But for whatever reason, people still expected to receive actual gifts on their birthday and other special occasions. So America made damn sure to give the best gifts ever.
On October 1st, America gave China a nice t-shirt:
The year before, he graced China with this:
On White Day, America sent this to South Korea:
On Japan’s White Day, America gifted her a sultry pillow case to remember him by:
For Christmas, he sent North Korea a gift card:
Russia’s birthday was easy:
This one was absolutely perfect for Germany, who loves beer and, as America asserts, “probably needs medication of some kind:”
For England’s birthday, America dared to be a little self-aware:
This poignant gift was sent to Canada on July 1st:
This gift was only fitting for Switzerland on Valentine’s Day:
He wanted to give this to Ukraine back in 2015, but decided it was probably too problematic (and still too soon):
Out of pure love, he gave this one to France:
But the best gifts of all were the ones America gave to himself. For reasons.
If you think of a gift that would be perfect for so-and-so, drop a comment. America appreciates any and all ideas.