“F#@% the European Union”

England’s Skype call was cut short when the “connection errors” began cropping up. First, Sweden was dropped. Denmark shortly followed. France was suffering an issue where he could hear everyone but nobody could hear him. Netherlands kept trying to connect to the call but failed every miserable time.

25112888022_8480fe80eb_k.jpg
Photo by jeffdjevdet

The following contains excessive f-bombs and other profanities. Read at your own risk.

England’s Skype call was cut short when the “connection errors” began cropping up. First, Sweden was dropped. Denmark shortly followed. France was suffering an issue where he could hear everyone but nobody could hear him. Netherlands kept trying to connect to the call but failed every miserable time. Germany’s microphone made it sound like he was trapped in a wind tunnel. When adding Scotland, the computer insisted that “The person whom you’re trying to reach is not available” even though he was available (gosh dammit).

Eventually the entire call was dropped, repeatedly. After many fruitless efforts and irritating loops of “bloop blop” sounds as Skype struggled to get the call through, everyone decided to stick with typing.

England: Suppose the UK does leave the European Union. Suppose we get our “Brexit.” What then?

Greece: yaaahhh you do it England you guys go and chase your dreams

France: Leave if you so want to 🙂 More room for me~

England: Is that a passive-aggression smiley? Try sounding a little less bitter or far-right, France.

France: 🙂 🙂 🙂

Netherlands: LEAVE
GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN
IT’S A TOTALITARIAN MONSTER

Sweden: Are we talking about the EU or Russia now?

Greece: hahahahahahaha

Germany: Good one lol

France: hehe~

Netherlands: LOL >:P
rekt
rekt
rekt
rekt
rekt

England: Enough.

Netherlands: rekt

Sweden: I like Britain. If they leave, my people will want us to leave. Swexit.

Greece: GREXIT

Germany: We’ve already been over this, Greece…

Netherlands: Germany yours would be Gerexit
that just sounds stupid lmao

Germany: -_-

France: Do you realize what kind of hell Brexit will leash upon us all if you let this happen? This is a bad influence on my people. They are calling for a “Frexit” now. It’s upsetting~

Germany: Similar instances are happening over here too…

France: Why can’t we all just stay and be happy?

England: Right, right. Let’s all be happy. Just like that. Let’s ignore the EU’s terrible policies and be happy. You hear that everyone? Come on, now! Forfeit your sovereignty! Let the EU muddle in your domestic affairs! Smiles, everyone, smiles! Just like that, we’re all going to ignore the problems and be one BIG HAPPY FUCKING FAMILY!

Germany: France why

Netherlands: HELL YEAH England you tell ’em

France: Oh dear~ Europe is destroying itself~

Netherlands: NO, the EU is destroying Europe
Fuck the EU

Sweden: Fuck the EU?

Greece: fcuk the EU
**fuck

Just then England saw a chat notification pop up on his screen. America. He thought he could ignore it. He was wrong. The notifications kept bleeping and blinking and soon he was driven crazy.

America: what the hell are you doing
Scotland just messaged me saying you started some European Union hate club or some shit
don’t ignore me I know you’re there
england my man
hey
hey
fish n chips
speak to me bby

England: Scotland is a tosser.
Also, sod off.

America: no YOU sod off
if you vote to leave the EU you’re gonna be in some real shit. I know we had our ups and downs but I still care enough to stop you from making a really bad decision

England: Well, aren’t you quite the hero?

America: bruh

England: What if I don’t want to adopt the Euro? What if I’m fed up with the restrictions the EU places on my lawmakers?
Why should Brussels tell us how to handle our own immigration laws? Why should it tell us how to handle any of our own laws? What if we ourselves want to decide which issues matter most?

America: bro i see where ur coming from but hear me out

England: What?

America: YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE

England: Do not quote Star Wars at me, you utter twat.

America:then get ur SHIT together

England: My shit is perfectly together, thank you. I cannot believe you of all people are questioning why I don’t want a foreign entity having so much say in my domestic policy.

America: okay. yeah. fair enough. i get that. I really do. but here’s the thing… Brexit is gonna cause a lot more problems for you than it’ll solve
oookay I see youre not gonna respond to me so I’ll do the talking
1) the value of your pound is go to shit
2) you will alientiate literally so much of the rest of europe that you’ll almost be as lonely and unimportant as North Korea
3) FOR EXAMPLE…If yall leave, Scotland might bail. Wales is saying she’s gonna make nice with the EU and that kind of puts you on the back burner. And Nor. Ireland aint happy because Leave might bring on border issues with Ireland
4) who the hell are you gonna trade with??? do you really think people will be jumping at the chance to make trade agreements with you after your lose your EU partners lmao pls
5) our special relationship will be over. you don’t want that. ur gonna miss the way we make love

There was a good minute or so of nothing as America waited for England to respond.

America: are you even typing
did you just go Invisible on me
England
England
are you there mate
you really did log off on me didn’t you
ENGLAND
~now it’s three in the morning and i’m try’na change your mind~
~left you multiple missed calls and to my message you reply~
~why’d you only call me when you’re high??~
hey
England?
…YOU WERE TO BRING BALANCE TO THE FORCE, NOT LEAVE IT IN DARKNESS!


Notes

“Rekt” is Internet slang for “wrecked.” You say it after someone has just been roasted by a sick joke.

America was “singing” Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High? by Arctic Monkeys.

Here are some helpful videos from SeekerDaily that further (and perhaps better) explain what’s going on with the EU and why people want to leave:

Here’s an article where you can pick a certain topic/issue and see what the Remain and Leave sides have to say about it.

Also, I want to thank these two posts from being my jumping off points for the pro- and anti-Brexit arguments.

Author: Allison Black

Allison is an author, nerd, and international relations major who loves bad political jokes. When she's not writing or gushing about global affairs, she's playing video games. One day she will have a Ph.D., speak Korean fluently, and command an army of chihuahuas.

5 thoughts on ““F#@% the European Union””

  1. I hope my neighbours in the UK decide to remain in the EU. I can understand some of the reasons people want to leave, but I can’t let go of my idealised of a united Europe all working together for our common good, however different the reality can be.

    Like

  2. You have put an interesting narrative out there. Being an Indian I am not sure about the repercussions of BREXIT. You as a citizen know better. I am so happy to have read your article. Anand Bose from Kerala

    Liked by 2 people

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