Last week (or so) I opened up a Q&A that I totally did not forget about. I want to thank everyone who participated. Ya’ll the best.
paminat0r asked: “America, you missed a perfect opportunity to regift the item that Russia sent you. I’m guessing you know of someone who would have appreciated it. My question is, what puzzling gift will you now send Russia?”
America: Yeah, North Korea would have loved it. Just kidding. That’d be WW3.
After that day, I couldn’t sleep for weeks. All I could think about was Russian satellites watching me from space. I could feel her eyes on me at all times. Especially in the shower. Basically, it messed me up bad. So I’m going to repay the emotional trauma. First of all, she loves music boxes–creepy, right? I’ll program a music box. It’ll look nice and pretty and normal on the outside. It would even play that sweet kinda chime-y tune if you cranked it. Russia would assume that it’s normal. A gift to say, “Hey, let’s try to be friends again. Love, America.”
But then… in the middle of the night…. she hears it…. The Star Spangled Banner. It starts quiet at first, then progressively gets louder and darker. Eventually it comes out in screeches and shrieks. Nightmare material. She scrambles make it stop No use. Little does she know… You can’t turn it off without the secret passcode that only I know. She either has to endure it, or destroy it. Your move, Russia.
Dermott Hayes asked: “Is there room for ‘hate’ in religion?”
Ireland: Not the kind that hurts people. I’ve seen what that sort of prejudice can chucker, in me own country and in Norn Iron. It’s not juicy. A person doesn’t see thousands dead and think, “Hey, this is gran’,” or, “This kind of violence has a place in the world.” I know, I know. The Troubles was a political struggle too. But that “us vs them” sentiment was as religious as it was anythin’ else.
There’s galore of hate to go around elsewhere, you know. Football, for example. Feckin’ Belgium…
Michael asked: “China, how did you and America meet, and how would you define your relationship?”
China: I remember that day well, because I often find myself regretting it. That was a joke. See, I enjoy owning his debt, business, and real estate, so I am quite thankful for having met the United States. It happened in 1844 as a result of the First Opium War. Many of my ports were forced to open for foreign trade, which in turn threatened American trade in the region. The Treaty of Wanghia was his little way of solving that problem.(The official name is “Treaty of peace, amity, and commerce, between the United States of America and the Chinese Empire.” How quaint.) America was given the rights to my ports, additional legal rights for his citizens inside my country, and “most favored nation” status. And I received… his word that opium trade was illegal. Quite the treaty, wasn’t it?
Currently, we have a very tried but important relationship. I do not consider us friends, but I also do not consider us enemies. He fears that I seek total dominance of Asia-Pacific, but what he fails to realize is that I would much rather work with him than against him.
And that concludes our very first Q&A. Again, thanks for the questions. This was actually a lot of fun so maybe I’ll do more in the future.
Missed your chance to ask? No worries. You can still hit up @prejpol on Twitter with any and all inquiries.