Friends share murderous pets

Tianchi3
Aw… how adorable! (Photo)

August 1962

“He’s a problem child,” China said, stepping away from the telescope. “And I never expected him to procreate.”

North Korea stepped forward, lowered the scope, and took a gander out over Tianchi Lake. “You said that he killed a person before?”

“No, no, no. He attacked three people.”

“I’m curious, now. How did you find this thing, again? You never told me.”

“That’s classified. Keep watching.”

A moment later, the air was filled with the bright lull of a bamboo flute. North Korea never took his eyes off the water, especially not when the surface rippled and parted as a magnificent creature surfaced.

After looking at it for longer, North Korea decided magnificent might not be the best word. The creature sported a camel-like head, a meaty buffalo-like body, and fins that stretched out at least six feet. Its smooth gray skin glistened in the moonlight, and when it reared its head North Korea could see the white ring around the bottom of its neck.

He took a breath. “It’s an abomination.”

“Don’t say that,” China chided. “He’ll hear you.”

“Will it?” North Korea shook his head. “So you’ve trained it—him—to come when you play the flute?”

“Precisely.”

“Does he come every time?”

“Of course.”

” I think I might be impressed.”

China leaned against the railing of the balcony, looking out over the lake with proud eyes.”If he and his mate produce more children, I want to train them to perform a synchronized swimming routine.”

North Korea gave him a look. “Synchronized swimming?”

“I think it’d be nice.”

“I might be able to help you with that.”


Notes

This is apparently a “real” monster! According to the all-knowledgeable Wikipedia, this mysterious creature (the Lake Tianchi Monster) resides in Heaven Lake, which encompasses mountains in both China and North Korea. Apparently it attacked three people in 1903 before getting shot six times and fleeing back into the water. It made another appearance in 1963 where it was spotted chasing a second monster through the water. Mating ritual? Then in 2007 there were reports of six of these guys, all swimming together. A witness said, ” It was impressive to see them all acting at exactly the same pace, as if someone was giving orders…” Sounds like China and his buddy might have been successful in training them, huh?

North Korea is the master of all thing synchronized. Here’s proof.

Author: Allison Black

Allison is an author, nerd, and international relations major who does not get paid to make bad political jokes--yet. When she's not writing or gushing about global affairs, she's playing video games. One day she will have a Ph.D., speak Korean fluently, and command an army of chihuahuas.

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