“North Korea, I have a very important job for you.” Russia gazed into the other’s eyes intensely. The intimacy and seriousness behind her look made him uncomfortable–and yet in that moment, he felt chosen. “I’m putting you in charge of throwing a magnificent party for China.”
North Korea nodded firmly. “I will pour all of my juche heart into this great mission.”
Those words would fill Russia will confidence; everyone knew not to take everything North Korea said at pure face value, but the moment he said juche heart was the moment she knew he meant it for real.
So, naturally Russia had to wonder what went wrong when three hours later she walked into the grand party room only to find that the place looked like a complete joke.
She stood in the doorway, wide smile plastered on her face. “What is this?”
In the middle of the room surrounded by tiny balloons was a deadpan North Korea. “It’s a party.”
“Why are the balloons black?”
“They match his eyes.”
Her smile widened. “It matches his eyes. Wonderful.” She turned to the mostly bare refreshment table. “Where is the cake, North Korea?”
“Right there.” Except, it wasn’t a cake. It was a cupcake. Sticking into it was a single, sad candle, and scrawled in red icing wasn’t a birthday message, but the word old. “He doesn’t like to have too much sugar,” North Korea explained.
“Mnnn.” She spotted an angry looking banner on the wall. “And what does that say?”
“Drown the Western dogs in a sea of their own blood.”
“And this is something you thought would be appropriate for a birthday party?”
“I figured he’d appreciate the sentiment.”
Russia closed her eyes, brought a hand to her forehead, and leaned against the door frame. “You… you’re so incredibly good at throwing the most lavish celebrations. That’s why I picked you for this!”
North Korea shrugged. Russia groaned.
“This is fine. I can salvage this. Ha! That’s what I told myself in 1990, wasn’t it? Haha!” She murmured to herself before rushing out.
North Korea went back to blowing up balloons.
Not ten minutes later did China come in. He stopped in the doorway and took a quick look around. Then he folded his arms behind his back and walked slowly around the room, as if inspecting it with a bit more scrutiny. He nodded at the banner, nodded at the cupcake, nodded at North Korea.
Then he reached for his celebratory dessert, carefully pulled the tinfoil down, and took a bite. After savoring it silently, he had only one thing to say.
“You should have bought gold balloons.”
It’s not actually China’s birthday today. I just felt like writing this.