The Nuclear Club plays blame game

1280px--Ivy_Mike-_atmospheric_nuclear_test_-_November_1952_-_Flickr_-_The_Official_CTBTO_Photostream
Image from the CTBTO

News of North Korea’s hydrogen bomb test spread quickly through seismic waves and news channels. An emergency meeting was called between those freaking out the most.

They’d gathered in the Security Council chamber at the United Nations, mostly because it was the room with the coolest table. Sitting together, they’d been debating for almost twenty minutes but the conversation wasn’t going anywhere and things were getting a little heated.

Naturally, America was the first to stir the pot. “This is all Russia’s fault. She made this monster.”

Russia laughed sharply. “Do you not remember that I went to war with Japan because you begged me to? I would have had no business in Korea if it weren’t for that.”

America said, “Nobody would have had any business in Korea if Japan hadn’t been here.”

A shocked Japan needed a moment to recover from the brotrayal. (She might have expected that comment from China, but America?) “This is ridiculous,” she said, keeping her voice cool. “I did not tell you how to handle the territory after I left. The responsibility for the partition lies with you and the Soviet Union. Were there not other options?

America gave her a look. “Were there not other options? Did you happen to ask yourself that before colonizing Korea?”

“It is easy to pass the blame down if we continue going back in history,” Japan said. “Who can we fault next? China and Russia because they couldn’t stop me from becoming an imperialist power?”

As one might expect, this comment did not go over well, but Russia and China were both too offended to actually lash out.

America folded his arms. “Now that’s ridiculous.”

“That’s my point.”

A recovering China spoke up. “This is useless. There is no progress to be had in blaming anyone but those directly involved in nurturing North Korea’s unhealthy government. It was his leadership, Soviet leadership, and yes, even the Chinese leadership to some extent.” Of course, he had to add, “But mainly the Soviets.”

Russia shook her head. “You would say that. Still harboring bitterness over our falling out, it seems. You never liked being second best, did you?”

“How very typical of you to believe that you’re the center of everything,” China said. “You cannot deny that you propped up an economically unstable regime in Korea then walked away and left the burden to me.”

“Do not blame me for North Korea’s troubles, China. He was young and foolish and the mistakes he made were his alone.”

Growing restless, America threw himself back into the fray. “Argue over which of you was the lesser of two evils all you want, but the fact remains that Russia started this mess and China—you’re just sustaining it at this point.”

China asked, “You’re saying this after all the trouble I go through to keep peace between you and North Korea?”

America cracked a laugh. “The trouble? Dude, you rally behind the sanctions but when it comes time to actually enforce them, you suddenly go soft. You defend him time and time again and your public disapproval of his nuclear program is half-assed at best. Anyone can see that.”

“His nuclear program exists because of you,” China said sternly. “His nuclear ambition is sustained because of you.”

America threw his arms up. “Oh, for fu—there’s a lot of people who hate me, but you know what? They’re able to find ways to deal with it other than setting off nukes.”

China responded flatly. “Your North Korea policy is simply bad.”

Then Russia chimed in, not wanting to stay out of the fight for too long. “And yours is good?”

China asserted, “Whatever mess we’ve gotten ourselves into could be solved by using a better diplomatic strategy.”

“Okay, okay, let’s take a step back,” America said as he brought a hand to his forehead, as if there was an ache there. “The bottom line is that this situation sucks and nobody is happy. We know that better diplomacy will fix this, but…”

“And here we find the problem at the center of it all,” Russia said with a small smile. “We can’t seem to figure out or agree on what this ‘better diplomacy’ is.”

There was a beat of silence before China said, “Then we’ve still got a lot of work to do.”

***

“This is the way the world works,” North Korea told his anxious sister over the phone. “Powerful countries decide the fate of weaker countries.” He paused. “One day, I’m not going to be trapped in that system anymore.”

Notes

Twitter was a big help in writing this. Seriously, people like Victor ChaJohnathan Cheng, and Dr. Mark P. Barry are retweeting a lot of cool articles and keeping the pipeline of information nice and greased (I now feel weird after saying the words “nice and greased”).

I’m posting good content to my Twitter as well, if anyone’s interested in the North Korea situation at all. And if you like political commentary, I have a little bit of that on my blog.

Author: Allison Black

Allison is an author, nerd, and international relations major who does not get paid to make bad political jokes--yet. When she's not writing or gushing about global affairs, she's playing video games. One day she will have a Ph.D., speak Korean fluently, and command an army of chihuahuas.

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