Coffee and closers

by Jay Mantri
Photo by Jay Mantri

Liechtenstein took his with cream and sugar. Austria took hers with cream but no sugar. Switzerland took his straight up black. Germany took his with a tablespoon of Jäger.

“I’ll be honest,” Liechtenstein said to gently ease into conversation. “Football is making me sad. We didn’t do so hot last month… But, I can’t let that get me down!” He picked up his mug and took two big gulps. “Yesterday,” he started, a small smile forming. “I watched a squirrel eat a cracker and it was the funniest thing.”

When he set his cup down, it was Austria who noticed that his jittery hands. “So,” he continued, bouncing to a new train of thought, “how’s everyone been? Hey, hey, Germany? How’s Greece doing?”

Austria set the spoon she’d used to stir her coffee for way longer than necessary, down and it clinked against the saucer. “Don’t get him started on Greece,” she warned. “He’s already moping.”

“I’m not moping,” Germany said in a mopey tone. “I’m just tired.” Setting an empty mug down, he leaned back in his seat with a sigh. “He’s a mess, honestly. But at least I convinced him get off the couch and shave.”

“Is he calling this a ‘mid-life crisis’?” Austria asked before sipping her coffee with raised eyebrows and an air of condescension. “He said that the last time.”

Liechtenstein exhaled. “Wow. This is sadder than football.” Again he took a long, excessive drink of his frothy beverage. “Hey, Switzerland, help us think of something happy to talk about.”

This whole time, Switzerland had been silently and disconcertingly staring off at nothing in particular. Liechtenstein’s question changed nothing.

“Switzerland?” The microstate asked again, this time nudging his friend with an elbow.

Switzerland jerked and inhaled sharply. “Hm? What?” He shook his head before rubbing his eyes with a hand. “Oh… guess I dozed off.” Then he cleared his throat to alleviate its groggy crackle. “Hey… does anyone else ever think about how no matter how hard we try, we’ll never escape our personal demons? Anyway, what were we talking about?”

Which of these countries are you most like? Take the quiz to find out, and, hey, why not share your results in the comments?

Quiz image credits

Switzerland: By ch-info.ch, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons
Germany: By Jürgen Matern, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons
Austria: By Jean Fonseca, CC-BY-SA-3.0 or CC BY-SA 2.5-2.0-1.0, via Wikimedia Commons
Liechtenstein: By St9191, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Author: sarahbruso

International relations major, certified nerd, and suffering writer. I dig humor, video games, and global politics.

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