Ever thought about brawling a member of the United Nations? Here’s some advice.
United States: Go for it. He’s a superpower but he’s prone to making mistakes. Start with a jab at American exceptionalism and follow up by telling him George Washington was a socialist. You can go in for the kill while he’s having an existential meltdown. There’s a good chance he’ll end up kicking his own ass.
Russia: Don’t futz with Russia. Just don’t. A lot of countries have been down that road and they’re never the same afterward–physically, emotionally, economically. She’ll have you crying ten seconds into the match. But hey, if you think you can fight through the stream of tears, power to ya. (Hint: If you have to, use the safeword ‘Sputnik’)
France: Don’t fight France. Not saying that you couldn’t win (because you probably could), but why would you want to? This country is responsible for baguettes, which are delicious. Look, he’s already the butt of enough surrender jokes to last a lifetime. Just leave France alone.
China: You probably don’t want to do this. The Qing dynasty may have gotten beaten up a lot, but 21st century China don’t mess around. Plus, he probably knows one-hundred different ways to kill someone with just his hands.
United Kingdom: Do it. Think you’ll have trouble fighting four countries at once? Nah. They’ll spend more time fighting each other than you. Just sit back and watch until there’s only one left, then pummel the survivor while they’re in a weakened state. Easy victory.