America’s diary

Photo by anyvanille / CC BY-SA 2.0
Photo by anyvanille / CC BY-SA 2.0

It was safe to assume that everyone has a secret diary. So if everyone has one, including conniving and suspicious characters like Russia or North Korea, America needed one. That was his rationale for buying the little leather-bound journal. He needed to bridge the diary gap.

This particular journal had prompts for those who couldn’t think of anything to ramble about. “What do I like?” It asked for him.

-Freedom

The obvious first answer.

-Traditions, but also trying new things.

Because just writing down ‘traditions’ would have made him sound old (like England).

-Texas

-Grilling

-Eagles

-Explosions

But that was quickly changed to ‘fireworks’ (to be on the safe side).

-Shotguns

-Cherry Coke

-Roller coasters

-Winning

Now he was beginning to dig into his inner psyche.

-How attractive I am

-Being the best

-Having money

-Doing things that would have made George Washington proud

Things then got a little real.

-Hegemony

-Pissing Russia off

-Laughing at the delusion of China becoming a superpower

-Saying something really stupid just to fluster Canada

-Beating Japan at a video game

-Complaining about N. Korea together with S. Korea

America paused to look over his work. Pleased with the robust list, he jotted down one last item.

-Toby Keith

Read Behind the Scenes for a fun explanation of this story’s historical and political references.

Author: Allison Black

Allison is an author, nerd, and international relations major who loves bad political jokes. When she's not writing or gushing about global affairs, she's playing video games. One day she will have a Ph.D., speak Korean fluently, and command an army of chihuahuas.

15 thoughts on “America’s diary”

  1. So much work went into that post that I can stare open-jawed (like Canada maybe..?) at the awesomeness of it all.
    Btw your BTS is far cooler than the original post. The peanut butter incident. Priceless.

    Like

      1. Exactly. I had to ask an American flying in to get me some jelly. And he said… Just the jelly? No peanut butter?
        So I got me some of both!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Eewww! Ick! I Googled Toby Keith. I hate modern country music. Well, I know why I haven’t heard of him now. I guess America is does love his yee-haw, knee slapping, whiny, nasal–ahem– music.

      He certainly has no fondness for jazz anymore– the music he fathered in New Orleans. I certainly hope he’s not a deadbeat dad! Does he ever even visit those cool African rhythms or classy European harmonies anymore? I certainly hope so.

      Like

      1. Haha! What do you mean ick? Toby Keith is practically a national hero for writing that REALLY patriotic 9/11 song! (Truth be told, that is the one reason I put him in America’s list).
        Oh, I’m sure America listens to jazz and such every now and then to feel nostalgic.

        Liked by 1 person

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