America’s diary

Photo by anyvanille / CC BY-SA 2.0
Photo by anyvanille / CC BY-SA 2.0

It was safe to assume that everyone has a secret diary. So if everyone has one, including conniving and suspicious characters like Russia or North Korea, America needed one. That was his rationale for buying the little leather-bound journal. He needed to bridge the diary gap.

This particular journal had prompts for those who couldn’t think of anything to ramble about. “What do I like?” It asked for him.

-Freedom

The obvious first answer.

-Traditions, but also trying new things.

Because just writing down ‘traditions’ would have made him sound old (like England).

-Texas

-Grilling

-Eagles

-Explosions

But that was quickly changed to ‘fireworks’ (to be on the safe side).

-Shotguns

-Cherry Coke

-Roller coasters

-Winning

Now he was beginning to dig into his inner psyche.

-How attractive I am

-Being the best

-Having money

-Doing things that would have made George Washington proud

Things then got a little real.

-Hegemony

-Pissing Russia off

-Laughing at the delusion of China becoming a superpower

-Saying something really stupid just to fluster Canada

-Beating Japan at a video game

-Complaining about N. Korea together with S. Korea

America paused to look over his work. Pleased with the robust list, he jotted down one last item.

-Toby Keith

Read Behind the Scenes for a fun explanation of this story’s historical and political references.

Author: Allison Black

Allison is an author, nerd, and international relations major who does not get paid to make bad political jokes--yet. When she's not writing or gushing about global affairs, she's playing video games. One day she will have a Ph.D., speak Korean fluently, and command an army of chihuahuas.

15 thoughts on “America’s diary”

  1. So much work went into that post that I can stare open-jawed (like Canada maybe..?) at the awesomeness of it all.
    Btw your BTS is far cooler than the original post. The peanut butter incident. Priceless.

    Like

      1. Exactly. I had to ask an American flying in to get me some jelly. And he said… Just the jelly? No peanut butter?
        So I got me some of both!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Eewww! Ick! I Googled Toby Keith. I hate modern country music. Well, I know why I haven’t heard of him now. I guess America is does love his yee-haw, knee slapping, whiny, nasal–ahem– music.

      He certainly has no fondness for jazz anymore– the music he fathered in New Orleans. I certainly hope he’s not a deadbeat dad! Does he ever even visit those cool African rhythms or classy European harmonies anymore? I certainly hope so.

      Like

      1. Haha! What do you mean ick? Toby Keith is practically a national hero for writing that REALLY patriotic 9/11 song! (Truth be told, that is the one reason I put him in America’s list).
        Oh, I’m sure America listens to jazz and such every now and then to feel nostalgic.

        Liked by 1 person

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