It was safe to assume that everyone has a secret diary. So if everyone has one, including conniving and suspicious characters like Russia or North Korea, America needed one. That was his rationale for buying the little leather-bound journal. He needed to bridge the diary gap.
This particular journal had prompts for those who couldn’t think of anything to ramble about. “What do I like?” It asked for him.
The obvious first answer.
-Traditions, but also trying new things.
Because just writing down ‘traditions’ would have made him sound old (like England).
But that was quickly changed to ‘fireworks’ (to be on the safe side).
Now he was beginning to dig into his inner psyche.
-How attractive I am
-Being the best
-Doing things that would have made George Washington proud
Things then got a little real.
-Pissing Russia off
-Laughing at the delusion of China becoming a superpower
-Saying something really stupid just to fluster Canada
-Beating Japan at a video game
-Complaining about N. Korea together with S. Korea
America paused to look over his work. Pleased with the robust list, he jotted down one last item.
Read Behind the Scenes for a fun explanation of this story’s historical and political references.