The first law of history

North Korea didn’t usually send poignant emails to other people, but it seemed appropriate when that other person just signed a nuclear arms deal with the United States of America.

Iran,

Congratulations on your deal with the devil. Or, Great Satan, to use your preferred insult.

Even though you are a dirty, imperialist puppet state (don’t take it personally, I call everyone that), I respect you. That is why I’m not actually writing this to congratulate you, but to warn you. Sorry, that sounds more threatening than intended. Consider this message friendly advice, from one despotic rogue state to another.

This deal does not give the United States more reasons to trust you, it gives him more reasons to not trust you. Opponents of the deal will trust you even less. I did not cheat the Agreed Framework as much as America wants to believe that I did, I just found another route to nuclear weapons because I am smarter than he wants to believe I am. You’re smart too, aren’t you?

I wish I could sit here and tell you that I’m okay with all of this. I can, however, sit here and tell you that hearing the news pissed me off a little bit. But then I remembered who you are and what you are and I had to ask myself: did they play you, or did you play them? Then I laughed.

You accomplished something quite remarkable, but I don’t t know if remarkable here is a good thing or a terrible thing. I haven’t felt isolation unwillingly in a long time. I guess the real congratulation lies in that you were able to make me feel a little more lonely. I think I even shed a tear. Haha, jokes.

For the record, I’m not angry, I’m just unsure. But ultimately, I will be fine as long as you continue to buy missiles from me. Seriously, I need the money.

Let me leave you with this thought: Nuclear weapons are power, but only because not everybody has them. How do you think countries like us will fare when the world is nuclear?

From one friend to another, I want to be able deal with my problems before it comes to that.

Respectfully,

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea

Inspired by Daily Browse’s post suggesting the Iran deal might turn out like Clinton’s 1994 North Korea deal, which got me thinking. I will also like to give credit to the following articles, which helped me write this story:

Revisiting the Agreed Framework – Jeffrey Lewis
It’s a Damn Good Deal – Jeffrey Lewis
North Korea: Will Iran nuclear deal change Kim Jong-un’s mind? – Donald Kirk

Author: Allison Black

Allison is an author, nerd, and international relations major who loves bad political jokes. When she's not writing or gushing about global affairs, she's playing video games. One day she will have a Ph.D., speak Korean fluently, and command an army of chihuahuas.

6 thoughts on “The first law of history”

  1. North Korea is in love with Iran. They’ve been a supplier of arms to Iran…and so there’s a certain bonhomie between the two. This deal obviously makes North Korea happy. However, there are other countries that are on good (at least speaking) terms with NK (China, Russia, and oddly even Japan,) and they make me wonder how they can turn a blind eye to the pathetic condition of the general population of North Korea.

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  2. About Nuclear power – I guess it’s like any other weapon (except that it’s highly destructive). A knife is a tool that helps a kind-hearted human prepare food to feed the hungry, but when it’s in the hands of an evil person, it could help him commit murder. There are enough countries that are using it for peaceful purposes (though there are risks – recall the Fukushima disaster) but give it in the hands of certain others? I wouldn’t recommend that – but unfortunately, the world isn’t asking my opinion, so I’d rather caricature all world-leaders…my way of getting back at them.

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      1. Oh Sarah, how I wish that everyone thought like you do. If only the blood-thirsty chose caricatures as their weapon of choice…we’d all be so much happier.

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