It’s all fun and games until a superpower collapses

The Cuban Missile Crisis left deep, psychological scars on both nuclear superpowers. For weeks after, America wore his flag on everything (tie, boxers, socks, cool baseball cap) to repel communism as much as possible. He also spent most of his nights on the roof with a 6-pack of root beer and a shotgun. But that was as much about the Red Scare as it was about his love for root beer and shotguns. Russia coped by plotting to control every country east of Germany.

In August 1963, a “hotline” between the US and USSR was established in order to keep total nuclear destruction of the planet from ever threatening humanity again. Ground-breaking for its time, this system allowed International communication to happen between the superpowers in a matter of minutes. It was made to prevent World War III. It was used to send ridiculous jokes.

Is your refrigerator running?

That was the first message Russia had received from America personally.

Leave my refrigerator alone.

That was the first message America had received from Russia personally.

Well then you’d better go catch it!

Russia didn’t understand, but continued to humor America throughout the Cold War.

How many capitalists does it take to ruin Asia?

How many?

Just one. You are that capitalist. Shame on you.

Why’d the chicken cross the road?

Why?

To escape your backwards Stalinist dictatorship.

Russia cracked a smile.

Why did the American run away from the firetruck?

Why?

He was afraid of a little red.

How many commies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How many?

Just two, but after they turn the lights on they immediately take a hammer and smash the light bulb to pieces and call it a revolution.

Russia  smiled again, but not because it was funny. It was stupid–just in a really funny way.

An American, a South Korean, and a Brit walk into a bar. The bar is actually the Vietnam War. They’ve made a mistake.

Hey did you hear about the East German who loves his job and his reasonable work hours and gets a nice paycheck every month that allows him to feed and care for his family?

No?

Yeah, me neither.

The last chain of messages sent and received through the hotline reached the USSR on November 9th, 1989.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Freedom, scumbag.

Russia didn’t smile that time.

Author: Allison Black

Allison is an author, nerd, and international relations major who loves bad political jokes. When she's not writing or gushing about global affairs, she's playing video games. One day she will have a Ph.D., speak Korean fluently, and command an army of chihuahuas.

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