2084

obey-obamaNorth Korea was jolted awake by trumpets blaring from the house speaker. It was the United States national anthem. Begrudgingly, he dragged himself out of bed to get dressed. On the front wall were three grand picture frames showcasing the leaders of Great Capitalist Uprising: George W. Bush Jr., Barack Obama, and Donald Trump.

It was the year 2084 and the United States of America ruled the world. Capitalism, a rapidly spreading political disease that began in North America, had taken over the free–or not so free–world. The former Soviet Union tried to contain it, but to no avail. Once America dominated the West, he’d set his eyes on the East. An era of ideological warfare ensued as the only good countries left banded together to form a Resistance. But the fist of conservative economics and first-world privilege crushed any kind of opposition or rebellion. Meanwhile, scientists discovered the formula for eternal life, which America horded all for himself and administered to the sinister leaders of the Great Capitalist Uprising.

North Korea walked through the streets. He passed rows of walking civilians with monotonous expressions, the happiness drained from them. Everyone looked the same in the dress code that had been forced on them. Men were to wear sweatshirts, torn Levi jeans, Converse sneakers, and a patriotic snapback. The women were to wear sweatshirts, torn Levi jeans, Converse sneakers, and a patriotic snapback. The children were to wear Uggs.

Everyone walked in the same direction. The children skipped along as they sang (as regulation forced them to) the demoralizing tunes of right wing aggressors such as Elvis Presley, Toby Keith, and Taylor Swift. Nobody questioned it because nobody could.

Up ahead the Bourgeois Square (formerly known as Kim Il-sung Square), was already filling with people. In the center, two giant statues stood as idols. The sun shone blindingly off their golden countenances of George W. Bush Jr. and Barack Obama. In a swarm around the statues were bowing civilians, as if their heads had been forced down by the crushing weight of imperialist aggression.

North Korea stood before the statues but refused to bow. He stared into the cold eyes of the idols and suddenly he could see them for what they really were.

George Bush was dangling a dead baby. At his feet lie the brittle and broken bones of working class citizens. From the Western devil’s teeth dripped the blood of low income families. The statue’s golden eyes burn with hatred for the poor. In their fists they clenched the two Doctrines of Evil: The Constitution and the Capitalist Uprising’s Oath of Absolute Servitude.

A maniacal laughter slowly bubbled up from Obama until it evolved into a unbearable, piercing shrieks. George Bush began chanting FREE MARKET. BILL OF RIGHTS. COUNTRY MUSIC. in a maddening, demonic voice. North Korea fell to his knees with a scream and covered his ears.

The sky darkened suddenly. North Korea looked up and his blood ran cold. Above, thousands of bald eagles blotted out the sun. He looked around. People were not panicking. They stared up at the sky, lifelessly. Like drones and empty shells they watched the eagles.

North Korea looked back to the shrieking Obama. The chanting Bush. The brainwashed masses. The dead baby. The eagles.

Fireworks exploded in the sky. The eagles descended upon him. With a loud and terrible crash, his world erupted into white.

North Korea was jolted awake by trumpets blaring from the house speaker. It was the standard-issue morning message. With shaky knees and a pounding heart, he dragged himself out of bed to get dressed. On the front wall were three grand picture frames showcasing the leaders of his strong and glorious nation: Kim Il-sung, Kim Jong-il, and Kim Jong-un.

Oh, thank god.

Author: Allison Black

Allison is an author, nerd, and international relations major who does not get paid to make bad political jokes--yet. When she's not writing or gushing about global affairs, she's playing video games. One day she will have a Ph.D., speak Korean fluently, and command an army of chihuahuas.

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