Japan’s Hell

Why do you have to be late, America?

Leaving the house is a nightmare for me so I only do it out of necessity. This morning I’m meeting America at this cafe but he’s late and I’m early. Well, it won’t hurt to order a drink while I wait. Maybe if I have enough caffeine I will astral project, escaping both this world and my social anxiety.

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There’s a Lot of Bad Blood in This Strait

“He’ll choke you until you submit.”

Recently, the United States announced it would deliver an arms package to Taiwan. Simple, right? Not really;  there are layers, and we all know how dangerous those can be.


America leaned back against the polished wooden chair and drummed his fingers against his knees. “This is weird. We’ve never done this before, have we?”

“Why would we? You only hold secret meetings with other countries, isn’t that right?” Taiwan’s voice was like coffee with just cream; you didn’t realize that it was bitter until you thought about it enough.

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Happy Fourth of July

(Also included: man boobs.)

And while you’re waiting for the festivities to start, why don’t you go ahead and check out some of my July 4th stories? 😉

Have fun and party responsibly.

BRICS at the Beach

Russia, India, Brazil, South Africa, and China have a weekend getaway.

It’s summer! And what better way to celebrate friendship and financial anxiety than a trip to the beach?


Clad in their finest swimwear, India, Brazil, and South Africa stood firmly in a line on the deck and waited for Russia to speak, like they were soldiers awaiting orders.

“On this trip, everyone will be wearing protection at all times.” Russia’s voice was commanding as she wielded a bottle of sunscreen in her hand like it was a sword. “I don’t care if you ‘don’t burn.’ The sun is evil and it will kill you.” The other women jumped at the force behind Russia’s accusation. “Now, who wants to rub lotion all over my back?” India threw up her hand.

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50 Shades of Authoritarianism: 50 Shades Redder

A political pivot results in a steamy encounter.

Trump loves Russia, but did you know that he has deep, undeniable feelings for China too? This is the thrilling, unrelated sequel to 50 Shades of Authoritarianism.


The warm sensation taking over America’s body could have been caused by the wine, the lavender wafting through the air, or the fact that China had just stepped back into the living room wearing only a silk robe.

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A Rare Look Inside of North Korea

His head, anyway.

His head, anyway.


I mix vodka with orange juice and call it breakfast. The alcohol will help me forget that I didn’t sleep last night. Or the night before. Is it nighttime right now? I can’t tell because I never open the curtains because if I do they will watch me and I’m afraid.

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